English correction

Hello,

Would you be so kind to help me with the correction of the 4th cover and of few pages of my book, please? I have translated a book from French to English, and I would appreciate to have a different opinion from a native speaker. Thank you.

Comments

  • Is there a link or an attachment that you wish for us to see?


  • Fancy_Story wrote:
    An exceptional book that highlights, with a lot of perspicacity, the true creator of the Petit Jeu Lenormand! The Petit Jeu Lenormand was, until this day, one of rarest divination games yet surrounded by an aureole of mystery, because the key that had to restore the meaning of its enigmatic quatrains was never found. All the elements are in perfect agreement in this book, and the puzzle is finally reconstituted. The famous quatrains have finally found their meaning, as each card is connected to its vicinity, according to a precise position in a table that reproduces the 12 Astrological Houses. Each card is encrypted with a double key: one that follows the meanders of the philosophical and mystical thought of a great theosophist, and another that respects the purest tradition of cartomancy. In this book: The upright and reversed cards The Astrological Table PSB 23 spreads, and more than 1,300 combinations explained.

     


    Not my normal thing, but I would adjust this to read:

     

    An This exceptional book that highlights, with a lot of perspicacity, the true creator of the Petit Jeu Lenormand and gives rare insights! The Petit Jeu Lenormand was, until this day, has always been one of rarest divination games yet and was surrounded by an aureole aura of mystery, because the key that had to restore the meaning of its enigmatic quatrains was never found. All the elements are in perfect agreement explained in this book, and the puzzle is finally reconstituted solved. The famous quatrains are have finally found matched with their meanings, as each card is connected to its vicinity, house according to a precise position in a table that reproduces of the 12 Astrological Houses. Each card is encrypted with a double key: one that follows the meanders of the philosophical wisdom and mystical thought of a great theosophist, and another that respects the purest tradition of cartomancy card-reading.

     

    In this book:

    The upright and reversed cards;

    The Astrological Table PSB

    23 spreads, and more than 1,300 combinations explained.

  • Or, without the strikeouts:

     

    This exceptional book highlights the true creator of the Petit Jeu Lenormand and gives rare insights! The Petit Jeu Lenormand has always been one of rarest divination games and was surrounded by an aura of mystery, because the key to its enigmatic quatrains was never found. All the elements are explained in this book, and the puzzle is finally solved. The famous quatrains are finally matched with their meanings, as each card is connected to its house according to a precise position in a table of the 12 Astrological Houses. Each card is encrypted with a double key: one that follows the wisdom and mystical thought of a great theosophist, and another that respects the purest tradition of card-reading.

     

    In this book:

    The upright and reversed cards;

    The Astrological Table PSB

    23 spreads, and more than 1,300 combinations explained.

     

  • Thank you Skoob_Ym, I appreciate your kindness.

    This fragment is the book’s presentation on lulu.com. I would like to have your opinion on the 4th cover of the book, if I’m not asking too much.

    Once again, thank you very much; you are a very nice person.

  • I think that the cover adequately reveals the intentions and contents of the book, and I see nothing wrong with the grammar.

     

    If I may offer one other thought: It may be dangerous to deal in spiritual things -- not all spirits are kind.

  • Thank you, Skoob_Ym. I appreciate your opinion. Thank you for your thoughts, too. It is not obvious to understand, but my book doesn’t deal with spiritual things, just with spiritual domain, as the religion. The quotation that you saw at the beginning of the book talks about the human spirit, or mind.

    “No one can impose a retrograde movement to the spirit” (or "of the spirit"???) concerns the human mind and the spiritual beings. (In French: “Nul ne peut imprimer un mouvement rétrograde aux esprits ». )

    That is a quotation belonging to a French philosopher and theosophist, who was also a brilliant writer. The whole book is almost a Christian hymn. I do not touch to the dark side, that’s miles away. Thank you very much for your insights.

  • As regards your French quotation, shouldn't "esprits" be translated as "minds" in this case?
  • Thank you, Jean-Paul, for your suggestion. Would you like to try a complete translation of this quotation, please?

  • Supposing the author speaks of human intelligence, not ghosts, I'd tentatively translate the sentence as: No one can impel minds to move backward.

  • Thank you, Jean-Paul, it is very kind of you. "Impel" sounds even better!
    I would like to keep "regressive" instead of "backward".
    As you have so well rephrased, this speaks not about a relocation or the distance, but about the impossibility for the human spirit to return to a former less advanced state of intelligence, or comprehension.
    By keeping in mind that the difference between "spirits" and "minds" has to remain very thin (in order to allow both interpretations,) what is your preferred variant:
    1. No one can impel minds to move backward.
    2. No one can impel a regressive movement to minds.
    3. No one can impose a regressive movement to the spirits.
    2. No one can impose a regressive movement to minds.

  • My first choice would be 1.) above, and my second choice would be 2.), after changing "to" to "of." (Of minds, not to minds).

     

    If this were not a book with a numinous "otherworldly" aspect, I would insist on number one, but given the subject matter, number 2 is acceptable with that change.

  • Thank you, Skoob_Ym. It is not a book with a numinous otherworldly aspect, but I will consider your solutions. I understood already that in English we use the form "impose on" instead of "impose to" someone. What a pity, because I really liked the variant "No one can impose a regressive movement on the minds."  It seems that it expresses better the subtility of the French  quotation. Thank you once again for your time.

  • "No one can impose a regressive movement to minds." is good, but a bit abstract. The concept of backwardness is striking while the contrast "regress Vs progress" is not so clearly perceived. As you know, some words do not catch so well as others. Just my opinion. Also, the sentence has to fit in the style of your book.
    An anecdote. I remember an International Herald Tribune article about the "egress recap" operation in charge of repatriating US prisoners from some Muslim country, their debriefing and their conditioning for their return to normal life. The journalist confessed he did not understand what "egress recap" meant, while for me "recap" stood for "recapture" and "egress" was coined by dropping the initial R of "regress".
  • Thank you, Jean-Paul, that's very kind of you. I appreciate your help.
    As I see, you kept the formula "No one can impose a regressive movement to minds." Different people told me that we don't use in English the verb "impose followed by "to", but by "on." Impose on minds, then? What do you think?
    Regarding your anecdote, I am not an expert in wars, but I found a link after I read your little story:
    http://c141heaven.info/dotcom/66/homecoming2.php
    Egress Recap could possibly mean "a combination of the prisoners' "egress" from North Viet Nam and their "recapture" by the U.S."


  • potetjp wrote:
    "No one can impose a regressive movement to minds." is good, but a bit abstract. The concept of backwardness is striking while the contrast "regress Vs progress" is not so clearly perceived. As you know, some words do not catch so well as others. Just my opinion. Also, the sentence has to fit in the style of your book. An anecdote. I remember an International Herald Tribune article about the "egress recap" operation in charge of repatriating US prisoners from some Muslim country, their debriefing and their conditioning for their return to normal life. The journalist confessed he did not understand what "egress recap" meant, while for me "recap" stood for "recapture" and "egress" was coined by dropping the initial R of "regress".

    Egress is sometimes used in formal or military writing to mean exit or escape -- "To prevent unauthorized access to, or egress, from an exclusion area" for example, was one of the justifications for use of deadly force.

     

    English has a number of vaguely overlapping terms: Access, ingress, progress, regress, egress... So a bit of confusion is to be expected.

     

    "Recap" typically is used to mean "Recapitulate" or to summarize, thus the "Egress Recap" would tend to mean, "A summary of the return of prisoners." English can also use the word-building aspects of its Germanic roots, though we do try to use hyphens for clarity.

     

    On top of this, Journalists tend to shorten words or to abbreviate, sacrificing clarity for brevity, especially in headlines. We are fortunate that they didn't use "Repatriation Recapitulation" which would tend to become "Repat Recap."

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