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I need feedback for my grammar thanks

Comments

  • you did not said anything and quit flamming up other user by wasting my time

  • Sorry.

     

    Actually, I did have a reply there, but it failed to post.

     

    My thoughts on it were that you do not merely need an editor, but a tutor. I think it would be helpful if you followed a few rules, which will improve your writing substantially:

     

    1. Read your story to yourself, out loud. Whenever you pause to breathe, place a period or full stop. Then capitalize the next character and continue.

     

    2. Before someone speaks, press the "Return" or "Enter" key twice, making a new paragraph. Each change of speaker needs a new paragraph. Place the words a person speaks within " " marks.

     

    "Hello," he said.

     

    "Hi," the other guy said. "Have you had breakfast?"

     

    "Not yet, let's go for coffee."

     

    3. Pace your story. Tell it step by step. Don't rush, and jumble it together. you have all the time you need, so go slowly and be thorough.

     

    4. Choose whether you will tell the story in the present tense or the past tense:  He says, he does, he runs, or he said, he did, he ran. Be consistent once you choose. I recommend the past tense.

     

    I believe that your story started by introducing two characters. I would introduce them (after your style) like this:

     

    There was a man named Samuel. He had only one friend: a German bodybuilder named Arnold Wolfhouse.

     

    Notice how I have taken your one long sentence and made it into small brief parts. I removed the entire clause about being a bodybuilder of German descent, and put it into the introduction. 

     

    Now, with that said, I have another suggestion: It seems like you might be more comfortable writing in another language, instead of English. Perhaps you would do better to write in that other language, and then translate the entire thing into English, or have it translated, instead of trying to write it in English.

  • This thread might also be helpful to you:

     

    Writing Tutorial

     

     

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