My first novel - looking for any feedback or reviews. :)

[francesn]

I'm very aware of the origins of The Munsters, I think just changing the S to a Z would be fine.

Regarding the grammar etc, I've run it through grammar checks etc loads. I never got grammar etc at school either.

As I said, I'm not continuing with it, because even if I take out the 'singing' parts due to the lyrics and change the S to a Z, there's still the grammar etc and it was meant to be a bit of fun, and now it not so.

[Ron Miller]

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francesn wrote:

I'm very aware of the origins of The Munsters, I think just changing the S to a Z would be fine.

Regarding the grammar etc, I've run it through grammar checks etc loads. I never got grammar etc at school either.

As I said, I'm not continuing with it, because even if I take out the 'singing' parts due to the lyrics and change the S to a Z, there's still the grammar etc and it was meant to be a bit of fun, and now it not so.

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This is a real shame.

Writing is fun...but no one ever said it was easy. But neither is learning to ride a bike or play the piano. No one gets those things right at their first try.

No author became a great writer---or even just a good one---at their first try. Even the most experienced professional writer gets their manuscripts back from their editors with all sorts of changes to make. I've had more than forty books published by commercial publishers. You'd think I'd know what I was doing by now, but even though I think the manuscripts I send in are just about perfect, they still come back buried in red ink, indicating all the changes and fixes I have to make. But that's all part of the game...and part of the learning process. I know it can be frustrating and discouraging to have someone find a lot of mistakes in your book---goodness knows I do!---but you have to remember that the only thing these people are doing is trying to help you make your book the best one possible. Surely you want that, too?

And grammar and punctuation aren't hard to learn! The basics are all you really need to know. Fortunately for most of us here, English grammar is not only extremely simple but also very forgiving, and punctuation is dead easy. There are tons of books and websites that will help you learn what you need to know...and lots of people here are willing to help you, too.

So, please don't give up! No one ever said your book was bad (it's not!)...it just needs some work and some polish, that's all. The people in this forum obviously think your book is worth the effort. I hope you think so, too.

[kevinlomas]

Indeed Ron.

[matthewcchiversathotmaildotcodotuk]

Them some kind words Ron

Stephen King with his Dark Tower books went back to the first one and completely re-writ it (apparantley, from what I've heard!) - simply because the plot had evolved so much and that his writing also got better as he carried on going.

Like a good work out, writing is also like going to the gym - the more you exercise it, the better it works.

It took me 5 years to write and self-publish the first book in my series for example, with my dyslexia and aphasia disabilities (heck, even tho doctors report said I had mild retardation!).

My english at school sucked (GCSE: E) - and I couldn't write until I was 11 yrs old (or read till I was 10).

I can understand how the constructive criticism may have put you off from self-publishing and just stopping. When I first came onto Connect, I was bombarded by it myself - and I couldn't understand it - after all, I just spent 5 years writing my story ontop of all my learning difficulties. And unfortunatley, the internet can appear to be a horrible unemotional creature.

At one long stage - I did just drop coming back to Connect.

However - if you truely want to push for what you want to do, then asking people in Connect can be very valuable in some instances. The copyright has been pointed out, and indeed you cannot use song lyrics in your works.

That doesn't mean you should give up though.

A little editing here and there, and yes, it can be it's own story, paying homage to your idols - it's not often you get others loving to write about others and basing characters on them in a story. I am sure they would be flattered if they knew.

Keep going with it and you'll be surprised where it may take you.

[francesn]

 Ron, thank you for your kind words

I don't expect things to be easy at all...but I just simply don't understand that grammar etc... for example:

"Hello,"said Fred vs. "Hello"said Fred... why is that comma there?

I appreciate your very experienced.

 Matthew, also thanks for your words

Why did you say about my idols?

I have re wrote and re wrote it loads, but still people come back with the same thing the grammar, I put it through a grammar checker, think it's fine and then someone else says it's not...

I don't know if anyone actually likes or cares about the story because as for as I know nobody has read past the first chapter, and all the feedback I get from showing people is the grammar.

I'm just to the point of that I just want my characters to die a slow painful death.

[matthewcchiversathotmaildotcodotuk]

Grammar is all about how it sounds when you read it out loud (or in our case most the time, in our heads lol).

Unfortunatley, sometimes grammar can be heavily dependant on a wide-ranging vocabulary. I'm probably not the best person to ask, because most the time I just guess lol - if I was told to re-sit my english exam, and sort out grammar errors, then I would probably fail EPICLY.

I always think of the comma as a "short" full stop - not the best answer I know...for speech of characters, it seperates the dialogue with you describing the story (i think).

What I've learned though is that grammar isn't always about the commas.

Can someone else explain more clearly? I'm so bad at this lol. I know how to do it myself, but I'm not sure how to get it across...

[francesn]

I thought a comma was whan you pause and a full stop is when you take a breath or a new person is talking.

I thought if you take this as an exmaple:

"Lils...” Elm pointed out of the car window “service station... one mile” he added as another pang of hunger rippled through his stomach.

So this is how I see what I've wrote and then we might get somewhere.

We know, Elm is speaking and there's a pause in him speaking because the narrator is explaining that Elm is talking therefor creating a pause. Does that make sense?

And the ... between station and one is because he's trailing off his words.

There's only one full stop at the end of the sentence because there's speech gaps breaking up the sentence, which is short so there's no need for full stops.

So, now my question is, have I been taught English Language by a dumbass at school?

Is it as simple as I have to pretend the narrator(aka me) isn't narrating?

[Peter May]

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francesn wrote:
"Lils...” Elm pointed out of the car window “service station... one mile” he added as another pang of hunger rippled through his stomach.

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"Lils," Elm pointed out of the car window.  “Service station... one mile,” he added as another pang of hunger rippled through his stomach.

Read it aloud, with and without the comma. You need a pause between mile and he to make the break between the character talking and the narrator

But the pause is wrong. Presumably he's seen a sign for a service station, if he's pointing out the window at it then they're passing the sign.

If they're travlling at 60 miles an hour they will be past the service station entrance in one minute, so he can't delay if he wants the driver to slow and exit the road.

"Lils! Turn off at this service station coming up in less than a mile,"  cried Elm, pointing ahead, as another pang of hunger rippled through his stomach. 

Don't give up. Your book is original and has potential. And if it is worth writing then its worth polishing it to be the best it can possibly be. 

[Ron Miller]

This is a good explanation of how to punctuate dialog. It also explains the reasons why the punctuation is there:

http://www.writing-world.com/fiction/dialogue.shtml

Punctuation can seem intimidating, but it's actually pretty consistent and logical. There are also only a very few hard-and-fast rules you need to remember and once you pick them up you won't even think twice about them.  But other than that there is really a lot of room for creativity and individualism.

As many people have pointed out many times in these forums, one of the best ways to learn to write is to read. Read as much as you can and pay attention to how the books are written.

[francesn]

Thank you for your comments and point stuff out.

I'll take a look at that link.

Thanks