My first novel - looking for any feedback or reviews. :)

[kevinlomas]

Better to be safe than sorry.

There are one or two people who can check it over that use these forums (look for Maggie, I think she does it) but they are not free. I only do my own. They will not advise you on how to rewrite though. That's an Editor's job :-)

[Ron Miller]

---

francesn wrote:

I thought there was a 'fair use' clause in copyright.

Plus if your'rre not making any money from it, surely that would fall under the fair use act.

---

Copyright law does include the concept of "fair usage"...but it is not up to the person using the material to determine what how much is fair. That right belongs to the copyright owner. The advice of the US Copyright Office itself is to always get permission. (The main purpose of "fair usage" is to allow quotes in academic use, such as textbooks.)

A coomon misperception is that it's OK to use something if no profit is involved. This is flat-out wrong. Copyright law makes no such distinction.

Finally, yes, it is perfectly all right to refer to a trademarked name, but you can't use that name on your own product.

[francesn]

 So using The Sinister Urge and The Munsters, one of I know is trademarked is OK, because your stating that your naming something after it rather than saying something is called that and the original never existed?

And to ditch the lyrics... or twindle around with them, like that someone could sing the wrong lyric...

I can't afford to pay anyone for proof reading.

[Ron Miller]

---

francesn wrote:

 So using The Sinister Urge and The Munsters, one of I know is trademarked is OK, because your stating that your naming something after it rather than saying something is called that and the original never existed?

And to ditch the lyrics... or twindle around with them, like that someone could sing the wrong lyric...

I can't afford to pay anyone for proof reading.

---

I don't quite follow your first question at all.

You could probably get by changing the lyrics as you suggest.

There are lots of ways you can get someone to help with your proofreading. See if a teacher or instructor at a local school or college would be willing to give you a hand, or perhaps even a student majoring in English, journalism or creative writing.

[Ron Miller]

I copied the first paragraph of your novel and added some changes in red to show you what I've been talking about. One of the most consistent mistakes you make throughout is the lack of punctuation following a quote. Take a look at the dialog in some novels and you'll see how it's done. One change I made was to move some text, as you'll see. This is because it's always best to indicate who's talking as early on as you can.

"Lils...” Elm pointed out of the car window. “Service station... one mile,” he added as another pang of hunger rippled through his stomach.
“What? Should I just drive over this queue of traffic, so you can eat?” Lilli quibbled with her brother, with her hands rested against the steering wheel. The news on the radio indicated it was 6 am and the morning sun was shining.
“You said you wanted to drive down,” her brother reminded her as he turned his attention back to his graphic novel, slipping a lock of long brown hair behind his ear.
“Yeah I did, I didn't think we'd get stuck in traffic...," his sister moaned before pulling her dark hair back into a ponytail then letting it fall out of her hands and over her shoulders. "I thought it would be a nice peaceful easy drive... but no, they decide to put diversions on.”  She sighed and turned up the radio.

[francesn]

I've changed the spelling of the munsters to the munsterz, so that should solve that problem, working on taking as many lyrics out as I can.

Thanks, for the pointers, so really I need to put more full stops in?

my partner has an MA in English Lit and they have read and re read this...

[kevinlomas]

One of the good things about fiction is you can make up your own names and even words, there's no need at all to even use sound-a-like names. What is the point? Unless it is an obvious parody, but often they are published by the same companies who publish the originals. They will have permission and will not sue themselves anyway.

[francesn]

Well I have to have The Munsters, because the main character in my novel is called Lilli, and her stage look is centred around the look of Lily Munster. So I want to try and keep that.

To be honest, I'm slowing giving up on the whole thing, because I don't know anymore what does and does not infringe on copyright and trademarks.

Top that with my lack of punctuation etc...

I've already deleted the facebook for the book, there's just no point, when I don't know what I'm doing. I thought writing is meant to be about the story and fun, but it's not fun at all, it's really not.

Thanks for all the comments, but I think I'm just going to give it up as a bad job.

[kevinlomas]

the Munsters are actually stereotypical versions of vamps etc that predate the first TV series by decades. Herman was of course based on Frankenstein's monster, written 100s of years ago. Or even just goths.

Just make stuff up! Change the names.

[kevinlomas]

Unfortunately a book is a product just like any other product. Would you be happy with a car built by someone who just shrugged, and left the wheels off?
Don't give up. Why not, as an example, if you are using Word or whatever, set it to very pedantic grammar and spelling checking, and see what it points out.

http://www.englishgrammar.org/rules/

It's basic shool stuff.