Beta Readers Wanted

I would really appreciate anyone who wants to be a beta reader for my book. Hopefully the link to the first two chapters works and you are able to open it. It is a sci-fi/adventure/romance for young adults. Just a warning that this book contains some pretty adult themes such as suicide, explicit sexual situations between two males and drug use. It may turn some people off but that is what I chose to include in my book. Please let me know if you have a problem opening the link. This is my first try writing for more than just myself. 

Thank you in advance for your feedback!

https://1drv.ms/w/s!Aj4jEHrf8z_dge8HuOwUAMMMbK79eA

Comments

  • Ron MillerRon Miller Bibliophile
    I am looking forward to reading your sample chapters. From what I have seen of the first couple of paragraphs the writing seems to be more than competent. 

    I am not so sure, however, that you can say that parts of your book "may turn some people off but that is what I chose to include in my book" while at the same time saying that you are "writing for more than just myself." I would suggest that if your main concern is what you choose to include, regardless of what your potential readers may think, you are indeed writing for yourself.
  • SphinxCameronSphinxCameron Southern Escarpment Hill Country Librarian
    From what I read of the first page plus a part of the second [as far as I got before having to burp someone] "the writing seems to be more than competent".

    Similar to what Ron said, if you're concerned some people might not like what you included then you're simply writing for yourself, not an audience.

    The themes of suicide, explicit sexual situations [between MF, MM, FF, MFM, FMF, M/Chicken, F/Livestock, ad nauseum], and drug use have been around for a long time.

    When I write, I write the stories my characters tell me as they relate them to me. Sometimes their situations make me feel uncomfortable, but that's due to it being their stories not mine. A simple way to look at it is: write what your characters tell you to write to the best of your ability, because while some people may not like it but others will.
  • ToryTory Reader
    edited January 24
    Thank you so much for your replies! 

    "write what your characters tell you to write to the best of your ability, because while some people may not like it but others will." Yes that is actually how I feel so I should have phrased it that way :smile:
  • Ron,
    The font is way too small.
    Second line, 'But' try removing it.
    Your work suffers from the killers 'I's'      I did this, then I did that, and I went and I found... Go through try removing as many as possible.

    I haven't posted here in years.

    Dale
  • It is possibly impossible to write anything that everyone will like, so it cannot be writing just for one's self. But having said that, one has to like what one is writing, so in one way you are writing for yourself, but hoping that some other readers will enjoy it, also.
    How Do
  • Skoob_ymSkoob_ym Librarian
    First, on the story proper: It's got proper English sentences; they follow each other in a logical order, and they convey actual meaning. You'd be surprised how many people don't get that far, so good job; you've cinched a passing grade out of the starting gate.

    I'd do a few things with it, if it were mine: I'd slow down the pace a bit -- not in the beginning, where "she" is committing suicide, but in the second part, after "he" awakens.

    "If you forget your exit, you lose your memories." Okay, that stopped me cold for a couple minutes; I found myself going back and forth trying to get the context of it. I get it now: If the being forgets the "suicide" then it will be puzzled on re-awakening in the "real" world. But at first, this comes off like a koan.

    You're world-building at this point. The reader needs some concrete explanations, or it's not going to work, and he/she/they/umlaut will break out of the story trying to understand the "exit phase" (Oh, the author means suicide... got it).

    I'd also look at some long sentences, and see if they could be shortened. The second sentence is an example. Break that into two or three sentences. Slow the pace.

    The opening suicide, to me -- well, I would think that it would be much more personal than that, and not just something done as if on a dare. There might be some internal dialog. Internal dialog might make it easier to understand the event and to engage in the narrative.

    Now, a second thing... I try to be very careful when I encounter someone who speaks about suicide with a personal application. It's usually a mistake to look at a story and to deduce things about the writer. Still, just in writing this, you've been thinking of suicide, in a personal context, and thinking about what comes after it. Those are indicators that there might be some thoughts in your head that might need further discussion.

    I'm not a behavioral health professional, and I don't mean to imply that you necessarily need one. But it might be very helpful. I don't mean to insult you, belittle you, or slam you in any way. There is nothing wrong with needing a bit of help. Everyone needs some help sometimes.

    What I'm saying here is that you might possibly want to find a trusted adviser, such as a behavioral health professional (Your local county Health Department can help you find someone), or perhaps a priest, pastor, minister, teacher, family member, or close personal friend with whom you can discuss this story and its implications.

    I could be completely off base here, and if so, well, blame it on my overly-cautious nature. But if there is something of yourself in the suicidal young woman, then I would encourage you to talk to someone. There is no shame in it, and behavioral health professionals are required by law to keep your conversations private (unless you intend to hurt someone).

    Of course, I hope that you are merely exploring this concept as a literary device, in which case, well, silly me. If not... Would it really hurt to talk to someone?

    I only know one number for help in this sort of thing: (831) 796-1620. If you have no other options, call that number, please. The people there are very nice and can help.
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