Review

Can you please offer me an un bias review on my book?

 

https://tinyurl.com/hxbzc6f

 

Comments

  • Skoob_ymSkoob_ym ✭✭✭

    l'll start:

     

    The good parts are these: You've written a book, in what appears to be correct English, of an appropriate length and with something like a proper format. In that, you're doing better than at least 80-85% of the people who try to write books. But there are some issues.

     

    First, your Blurb consists entirely of "A funny and humorous book."

     

    Well, that does very little to tell me if I want to read it, you see? I'd like to know that it's a collection of humorous fictional stories, for example. Derek Martin compiled and edited this set of humorous short stories derived from his life experiences. That's still too short by half or more, but it's far more descriptive.

     

    Now, the cover does nothing for me. It shows me -- is that the inside of a cave? In the right light, it could be a tree, I guess... But it has nothing to do with excusing me, or the fact that someone is having a giraffe. Hopefully, over to dinner. They're easy to feed because a little bit goes a long ways.

     

    Now, as to the title -- Again, no clue what the book is about based on the title.

     

    Looking to the text itself; the formatting needs a lot of help. You should try fully justified instead of left-justified. Also, please use paragraphs. Every few sentences, hitting the return key and then indenting the next line would make a world of difference to the reader's eye. It would improve the stories greatly.

     

    As to the stories themselves -- slow down. There's no need to spill them out onto the page at once. Take a breath here and there, and tell the story slowly, as you might explain it to a friend over coffee. It's not so bad as some of the single-paragraph word-bricks that I've seen, but it definitely needs some formatting and some pacing.

     

    In the first story, about Nikki, the point of view seems to shift from Nikki's Dad to Nikki and back to Dad again, with nothing to gie a the reader any indication that this will happen. A bit dizzying when that happens.

     

    My advice would be to go back to square one, and to rewrite the stories with a better pacing, giving the reader time to absorb one fact before throwing in another. Consider the books that you like to read; look at how they are formatted and how they pace themselves. Then go thou and do likewise.

     

    I hope that that's helpful.

  • DMA1

     

    No one is going to read a preview, let alone buy a book which has no paragraph indentation.

    You should either indent every new paragraph or leave a blank line between paragraphs.

     

    Note that grind - boning in your first line should be bone - grinding. Bake beans should be baked beans.

     

    We all make mistakes, especially if you work quickly. I often knock out 7000 words a day

    and edit and proof them the same day, which is probably a mistake. In fact, I know that it is. Even when I think that I have ironed out every error I'm still horrified to find that some remain. I especially

    hate it if the errors show up on the very first page.

     

    You write the way people speak without it being clear that this is what you are intending to do. You can do this with characters when they are 'in voice' but I'm not sure that it will be very well received if the entire story is written this way.

     

    Take this line as an example:

     

    Anyway, I heard dad saying to him after realizing just how uncaring he was being; I heard dad say to him you had better get your fat arse down here right now mate.

     

    Not only is it incorrectly structured but the redundant 'I heard dad say' might irritate some readers.

     

    If you want to sell you will need to write to inform, entertain or excite and sometimes all three at once.

     

    May I suggest that you buy a book on the art of blurb writing? Your blurb is your book's hook and selling point and 'Funny and humorous book' just won't do what you might want it to. What Funny and humorous book' tells the world is that you don't believe in your writing, which may well be the opposite of how you feel. Writing a blurb is a very different skill from writing a book and it is one that many writers need to be taught.

     

     

     

  • 1. Congratulations!

     

    2. You need to rethink your cover. It conveys absolutely nothing about the subject or nature of your book. It may be meaningful to you, but not to anyone who has not already read it.

     

    3. You need to properly format your text. Take a look at any commercially published novel and use it as a guide. Things to work on include paragraph indents and justification. You also need to have your text vetted by an objective editor. There are simply too many examples of run-on sentences, questionable grammar and misplaced or missing punctuation. Don't try to do this yourself: no author can objectively edit or proofread their own work.

     

    4. You need to be more explicit in your description of your book. "Funny and humorous" is not only insufficient, it is redundant.

     

     

  • Skoob_ymSkoob_ym ✭✭✭

    I thought about remarking that it couldn't be funny without being humorous, and vice versa, but I couldn't find a way to say it without being sarcastic.

     

    DMA1, since you're hearing the same general ideas from three different people, I think that you would do well to take this advice.

  • Thanks for the opportunity to review. Reading the free extract through your publisher, I was looking for a reason to buy. Unfortunately, I got lost in the number of long sentences. Perhaps more me than you. At the end of the two pages, I hadnt found the promised humour. And I didnt understand Lemming. Again, perhaps more me than you.

  • Skoob_ymSkoob_ym ✭✭✭

    KennasDSF wrote:

    Thanks for the opportunity to review. Reading the free extract through your publisher, I was looking for a reason to buy. Unfortunately, I got lost in the number of long sentences. Perhaps more me than you. At the end of the two pages, I hadnt found the promised humour. And I didnt understand Lemming. Again, perhaps more me than you.


    KennasDSF -- It's not you.

     

    Welcome to the forum.

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