Writers Challenge #7 - The Critique
I realized I missed having a new writers challenge so here goes:
The following passage was written as an April fool’s joke developed when taking to Lisa with Lulu (A truly wonderful person that helped me a lot.) It is purposely poorly written. Your challenge? Write a critique. The critique should assist but not destroy the writer. I am not 100% sure there is anything good to say about the style or layout, but therein lies the challenge!
Reworded - How do you give advice for an execrable piece and yet still leave the writers spirit undamaged?
Cat Funk - Written as a Speculative Novel for April Fool's Day
“Here kitty kitty.” The deaf and blind monk called across the condemned rectory, shuffling dirt and detritus in his wake.
He stopped when he hit the wall and then he rubbed his nose gently, the last time he had bumped his nose like that it had fallen off from the leprosy.
The cat looked a lot like it’s owner except that is was not leprous, it was a zombie. The dog had bitten it and then thrown it into a zombie dimension and then the cat had jumped out to become a zombie kitty.
“I am a zombie kitty” the newly formed creature thought as it scraped across the broken wooden floor and then tried to climb the monks leg and then let out a pitiful yowl and then drooled cat zombie gunk all over the leper blind and deaf monks shoe and then jumped onto his hand.
“Be careful kitty. If I had feeling left in that arm it could have hurt!” the monk said and then continued, “You stink kitty and you are covered in gooey mud. We better take you to the special cat bath with the flushable kitty tub to clean you up and then dry you and then fluff you and them feed you little kitty treats.”
The monk flushed and then flushed and then flushed again but nothing seemed to make the kitty smell better.
“Maybe I need to dry him in the microwave.” The monk said to himself as he worked his way to the old kitchen.
He tried flushing and then microwaving and then air drying and then baking and then wrapping the kitty in bacon but nothing seemed to work…