Looking for test readers

SithlordOsirisSithlordOsiris Reader Reader
edited August 2018 in Author Workshop

I'm searching for beta readers for my Fantasy/action book "Magic's Revenge".
it's just a book about magic and heroes I wrote when I was younger and decided to work on it.
It's 23 chapters and about 148 pages long.

When Ethan's sister is suddenly kidnapped, he's thrown into the fantastic and deadly world of witches and wizards on his way to rescue her.
Allies are plentiful, but enemies are everywhere, and magic loses it's cool when death jumps in...

The first six chapters are below.
Leave a comment if you want to read the rest.



  • Skoob_ymSkoob_ym Teacher Teacher
    Okay, so, I'm quoting Ron again...

    The first thing people will see about your book and your writing style is the blurb. Spelling and grammar in your blurb must be letter perfect.

    Ethan Joneson is a sixteen year old boy just making his way through life, when he is suddenly thrown into the fantastic and deadly world of witches and wizards after the kidnapping of his sister. He soon discovers he secret life, and fines magic isn't as cool as one would prefer.

    This is mostly okay... and by okay I mean kind of bland ... but there are a couple of things to address immediately:  "discovers he secret life" (discovers HIS secret life?) and "fines magic isn't as cool" (FINDS magic isn't?). Hear what I'm saying: It's not a terrible thing that you had typos, but it is a bad thing that you didn't proofread and correct them before posting the blurb.

    Now, what if you wanted it to be less bland? Apply the old rule of thumb, "Start in the middle." *

    When Ethan's sister is kidnapped, he finds himself thrown into the fantastic and deadly world of witches and wizards. He likes his secret new life, but slowly finds that magic isn't everything...

    With that said, you're speaking more or less correct English, and you have a plot idea that naturally adds its own conflict. That puts you well ahead of the average.

    The phrase you'll hear is In Media Res or "In the middle of the action" -- start the blurb with a bang, and keep that bang going. You're not writing a book report, with details to prove you read the book; You're writing a powerful blurb to catch the eye and draw the reader in.
  • Just KevinJust Kevin Lulu Genius Lulu Genius

    Well, I cannot comment on the actual sample chapters, because that link is asking me to open an account. But I agree with that above points, anyway.

    I would suggest, though, that Editor should replace Beta. It's not software.

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