Feedback request please
This is my first time writing a novel and I'm currently just drafting ideas and working on an opening chapter. It is aimed at a young adult audience I would appreciate some feedback on whether or not it is worth continuing. I am aware it is full of errors. Thanks
It was just past twilight, the last remnants of the sun setting on the horizon and a quiet calm in the air. Tonight rose sat in her favourite spot blanketed by the large canopy under the willow tree partially hidden from view. It was here she felt safest as though she could truly relax away from the anxiety that plagued her mind. Today was rose's 18th birthday and she had never felt truly comfortable in her own skin. She was fair skinned, mousy blond and very petite at just 5ft. Her eyes were dark blue and she longed to be different, special just special in someone else's eyes. Rose believed in the beauty of books and the power they gave you, how a story can give you a new perspective and move you to a different time and place, give you strength and allow you to be who really are. At least for a while. She longed for adventure but rose was shy and thought it safer to keep your nose in a book then seek out adventure in life. She took a deep breath and steeled herself for the evening ahead. She picked up her book and parted the curtain of willow leaves shielding her from view. As she stepped back onto the path she locked eyes with someone unexpected. He was tall, handsome with dark blonde hair, a strong jaw and the most beautiful eyes, unique. They were steel blue almost grey with a ring of yellow around the pupil. Stunning .
As he walked past her rose was overcome with the strangest feeling, dizzy as though she had surfaced from a dream or as though a great pressure was lifted from her shoulders. Suddenly overwhelmed with emotion she stopped, closed her eyes and took a calming breath. Surely it was just coincidence. She turned to look for the handsome stranger but in the blink of an eye he was gone.
After her unexpected encounter rose was late. It was her birthday and she was expected to have dinner with her parents and her sister. She turned up at the restaurant and sat down still in a daze . Her sister Amelia gave her a knowing look, she knew something was up. Amelia was 18 months younger than herself and was as different to rose as night and day. Yet they couldn't be closer . She was tall, blonde with pale blue eyes but it wasn't her physical appearance that was their biggest difference but her personality. Amelia was confident, she exudes presence and was friendly, outgoing easy to be around. Always looked perfect with her hair and makeup despite being naturally beautiful and rose envied the ease in which she spoke to people. If only. Amelia looked at rose not fooled when she said everything was fine, and she knew in that moment she couldn't hide what happened even if on the outside nothing happened, not really. Then why did she have feeling that everything was about change. Rose couldn't explain it not even to herself she just knew somehow it had everything to do with that beautiful stranger. If only she could see him again maybe everything would make sense.
Later that night as rose laid in bed willing herself to fall into a blissful sleep, she felt a presence. It was a beautiful night, the air balmy but not stifling a light breeze rustling the leaves outside her window, it should have been peaceful. She climbed out of bed opened her window and looked outside. She blinked her first thought, am I dreaming? For surely it was a dream.
The night looked different to rose, frightening, the leaves swaying in the breeze slowed to a point and the air felt so thick as though the life was being sucked out from around her .Shadows creeping up making her skin crawl bleeding into her vision until she was overwhelmed with fear and panic, in desperation she screamed but no one heard her cries.
The next morning Rose was tired, exhausted was more accurate so she decided to make her way to her favourite coffee house, it never failed to make her feel better. Standing in line watching the people surrounding her someone caught her eye. It was him . The handsome stranger she locked eyes with the day before. Rose didn't know why but she felt drawn to him, it wasn't his looks despite being outrageously handsome but his aura. Rose willed herself to be brave, so she picked herself a caramel macchiato to go and approached him praying it wasn't a fools hope. He was sat in the corner of the coffee house furthest table away from anyone else almost shielded from view. He was wearing a grey sweater, black skinny jeans and combat boots, hair tousled and looking gorgeous. He was sketching, lips pouted in concentration, as she approached she caught a glance of his drawing. A shiver creeped up her spine, on the page he had drawn her nightmare from her perspective capturing it as a moment in time. The way the leaves had stopped and the night became still and the colour bled from the night bleaching everything of colour of substance with shadows approaching. Rose couldn't breathe, before she knew it a load crash brought her back to herself she had dropped her coffee on the floor, she turned to flee she couldn't do this, not here not now.