Feedback Request (300 Words)
I'm trying out a new query letter for a new book. I'd appreciate any critiques anyone can give. Be brutal. This isn't my first rodeo.
Buildings crumble and the forests burn as the gods are hunt for one of their lost treasures.
Peter had no idea that a war has been raging since time immemorial. He only learns about the conflict, and the existence of the gods who wage it, as he stands over his father’s broken body.
That’s when Marcus, an ancient being, appears. He offers Peter the chance to become like him. He’ll gain the ability to heal from any wound and run faster than the human eye can follow. Along with it comes the need to “stay in the gray.” Too many bad deeds will permanently rob him of his sanity. Too many good ones will probably kill him.
The difficulty of letting go of his mortal life is nothing compared to what happens after Peter becomes a god. That’s when the others begin to see him as a target. They invade his city and his life while countless innocents are trampled underfoot.
After losing his friends, his fiancé, and his mortality, Peter thought there was nothing else he would have to sacrifice. It’s only as the bodies pile up and the screams of the innocent drown out his life that he realizes there is much more to be lost.
In a battle across continents that brings them to every corner of the world in search of these treasures, Peter is forced to engage in bloody conflict as a newly turned god. At the same time, he has to ensure that the violence he experiences, or dolls out, doesn’t consume what little humanity he has left.I would like to present my urban fantasy novel, Deus ex Machina: A Sinful Victory (139,000 words). It is the first in a planned four-book series.