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Author Learning Center / Sharing drafts on blog.

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  • Ron MillerRon Miller Professor

     I don't know if it's NSFW or not. 

    I have no idea what that is.

    Not Safe For Work.
    __________________________________________
    Black Cat Studios http://www.black-cat-studios.com/
  • Just KevinJust Kevin Lulu Genius
    Ah, right. A saying I have never heard of. What does it mean in this context then?
  • Skoob_ymSkoob_ym Teacher
    I would say that she should be, at a minimum, 18, that being the age at which a girl in the US can cavort naked on the streets without it being perverse. Again, the tale seems to waver between being in her mind and being told somewhat indifferently by a mildly amused narrator.

    One assumes, btw, that her lover is a werewolf?

    Also, She herself is far too ordinary. Others may have commented on how her beauty, but they would call just about anything beautiful.

    We transition in this line from a view almost inside her head to a view that is distant, and somewhat diffident. That's an example of the wavering distance.

    Think of the storyline as a camera lens. As the story grows more intense, push it into her mind; as the story becomes more casual, pull it back. But pay close attention to the transitions of distance. If we're thinking her thought, then seeing her from across a room, then back in her brain, then seeing her from the moon -- well, it doesn't really work. Make the transitions smoother.

    Then, "Commented on how her beauty" ... how her beauty WHAT? Dude, you can't leave us dangling like that.

    On a side note, the bit about cavorting in fertilizer because it seemed miraculous is an amusing vignette. You've got a hilarious story to tell, but it's the hammer work, pounding it into shape, that's the rub.
  • Skoob_ymSkoob_ym Teacher
    On a lighter note: Kurt Vonnegut made jerky transitions an art form. His stories in the "Telegraphic Style of the Planet Tramalgafore" make for some very funny reading. (Slaughterhouse 5, for example) but it's very tricky to pull off, and he did it deliberately because it made his satire more obvious.
  • Skoob_ymSkoob_ym Teacher
    NSFW == Not Safe For Work.
  • facsmthfacsmth Author
    edited May 24
    When I was a teenager I started writing the bulk of the stuff I submitted for perusal. Now, I'm nearing my forties and still haven't finished writing the stories. My mom once told me with tears in her eyes to make the kids OLDER. 

    At the beginning Bleach, the protagonist, was ten and she was 12 going on 13. The ages just lined up that way in my head but not with public standards.

     Lots of sexy stuff went on but between consenting people below the age of 15....  so I guess I will be altering the text a bit to change the ages anyway. 

    Ah, Skoob! I think the word "HOW" was added by accident. 
  • facsmthfacsmth Author
    Anyone else having trouble going back and forth between tabbed pages in a multi-page discussion?
  • facsmth said:
    Anyone else having trouble going back and forth between tabbed pages in a multi-page discussion?
    Yes. I've reported this to our hosting service, but we haven't been able to get a fix from them yet. The page numbering at the bottom of a thread seems to consistently work, but at the top, not so much.

    It's on my radar, I'll reach out to them again with a gentle reminder that it's still an issue.
  • facsmthfacsmth Author
    edited May 24
    Skoob_ym said:
     Again, the tale seems to waver between being in her mind and being told somewhat indifferently by a mildly amused narrator.

    One assumes, btw, that her lover is a werewolf?


    Close: A vampire, though he does inexplicably turn into a wolf much later on. "Indifferently by a..." what? That's hilarious. I can't stop laughing. 
  • Just KevinJust Kevin Lulu Genius

    When I was a teenager I started writing the bulk of the stuff I submitted for perusal. Now, I'm nearing my forties and still haven't finished writing the stories.

    * With it taking so long I would go back to the start and, well, start again.

     My mom once told me with tears in her eyes to make the kids OLDER.

    * Judging from the comments and what you have said, I would agree with her. 

    At the beginning Bleach, the protagonist, was ten and she was 12 going on 13.

    I will repeat all of the above *

    The ages just lined up that way in my head but not with public standards.

    That's disturbing, but one often has to write using one's own life-time observations and experiences.

     Lots of sexy stuff went on but between consenting people below the age of 15.... 

    Indeed it actually does, but usually not around the age of 12! 15 perhaps.

     so I guess I will be altering the text a bit to change the ages anyway.

    I would strongly suggest that you do or it may be banned from many sites. Read the threads about what is considered 'lawful' within publications. Such as YA fiction.  There's a sort of rule of thumb. The ages at which one can legally do things are the ages of those doing them that can be written in to fiction. And the same applies to descriptions of those acts, as long as they are not so graphic that they are classed as porn.

  • facsmthfacsmth Author

     so I guess I will be altering the text a bit to change the ages anyway.


    I would strongly suggest that you do or it may be banned from many sites. Read the threads about what is considered 'lawful' within publications. Such as YA fiction.  There's a sort of rule of thumb. The ages at which one can legally do things are the ages of those doing them that can be written in to fiction. And the same applies to descriptions of those acts, as long as they are not so graphic that they are classed as porn.At the beginning Bleach, the protagonist, was ten and she was 12 going on 13.

    I will repeat all of the above *

    The ages just lined up that way in my head but not with public standards.

    That's disturbing, but one often has to write using one's own life-time observations and experiences.

     Lots of sexy stuff went on but between consenting people below the age of 15.... 

    Indeed it actually does, but usually not around the age of 12! 15 perhaps. so I guess I will be altering the text a bit to change the ages anyway.


    I would strongly suggest that you do or it may be banned from many sites. Read the threads about what is considered 'lawful' within publications. Such as YA fiction.  There's a sort of rule of thumb. The ages at which one can legally do things are the ages of those doing them that can be written in to fiction. And the same applies to descriptions of those acts, as long as they are not so graphic that they are classed as porn.


    Okay, I should say that Bleach never engages in sex and the only part where I mentioned his age is where I say a tragic event had taken place five years ago at which he reflects it was half his life ago. I simply increased the number to eight thus causing him to be sixteen. 

    I toned down the story quite a bit from the old days in terms of language & violence as well other themes. 

  • SeamusSeamus Creator
    A Clockwork Orange involves a 15 year-old having sex with 10-year olds, but I don't think thats a bar you want to aim for
    Tim Reinholt Author of Pow, a ski bum heist adventure
  • Just KevinJust Kevin Lulu Genius
    I don't think that was in the film, but the book was banned in many US states. Oddly, it was supposed to be a comedy ...
  • Skoob_ymSkoob_ym Teacher
    A Clockwork Orange was not meant to be a comedy. It was meant to argue that the government has too much control over individual lives. The stilyagi who was the central character was taken apart in a psychological sense, and reconstructed as a clockwork mind, made to function according to the dictates of his government masters. The natural mind (like a natural orange) was recreated as a machine (clockwork).

    The excuse was his violent criminal behavior and antisocial attitudes, which the government trained out of him by making him become violently ill when exposed to violence, or to certain bits of music (Beethoven, as I recall, possibly Fur Elise, if memory serves). The story, with it's hidden anti-government message, was overlaid with a horror story wrapped in a mod-themed morality tale.

    Ain't it, Ludwig Van?
  • Skoob_ymSkoob_ym Teacher
    Pesky rabbits.
  • Just KevinJust Kevin Lulu Genius

    A Clockwork Orange was not meant to be a comedy.

    That's what Anthony claimed. A 'Black Comedy.'

    It was meant to argue that the government has too much control over individual lives.

    Comedy can do that also. It's called Satire. But it's a future, not the present.

    The stilyagi who was the central character was taken apart in a psychological sense, and reconstructed as a clockwork mind, made to function according to the dictates of his government masters. The natural mind (like a natural orange) was recreated as a machine (clockwork).

    It's supposed to be Cockney rhyming slang he overheard once, but no one knows what it means. Because he kept being asked, Burgess later made up a reason for its use as a title.

    The excuse was his violent criminal behavior and antisocial attitudes,

    After returning to England that's what he saw in his mind due to the teenagers of the day become too 'free.'

     which the government trained out of him by making him become violently ill when exposed to violence,

    That was his potential answer to it, not that a government here ever did such a thing, but that they should.

     or to certain bits of music (Beethoven, as I recall, possibly Fur Elise, if memory serves).

    His 9Th Symphony.

    The story, with it's hidden anti-government message,

    Why is it anti-gov? The main character was a murdering, raping, psychopath who was caught and rightly put in jail. It's noticeable that the gang looked far older than 15 in the film.

    was overlaid with a horror story wrapped in a mod-themed morality tale.

    The writer said he actually hated the story.

    Ain't it, Ludwig Van?

    He had a brother, Transit Van.

  • Skoob_ymSkoob_ym Teacher
    "Black comedy" means comedy that is uncouth, for example, gallows humor, or jokes that involve taboo subjects.

    Comedy, by the classic definition, means a story in which the protagonist gets what he wants at the end. By the modern definition, it's a story that is primarily humorous, which, frankly, Clockwork Orange wasn't.
  • Just KevinJust Kevin Lulu Genius

    "Black comedy" means comedy that is uncouth,

    You must know some unusual meaning of Uncouth.

     for example, gallows humor, or jokes that involve taboo subjects.

    That's true, though.

    Comedy, by the classic definition, means a story in which the protagonist gets what he wants at the end.

    Why would you believe that?

     By the modern definition, it's a story that is primarily humorous, which, frankly, Clockwork Orange wasn't.

    You would have to argue that out with Mr. Burgess. Oh you can't, he died in 1993. But Black Comedy does not have to primarily humorous, it only needs some humour in it, but very often humour is in the eye of the beholder.

    Many people try to analyse the book, but there was never any need because Burgess was interviewed many times on British Radio and TV. If anyone knew what it was and what it was about, it would have been him. All the same, in the film Alex was far older than 15.

  • Skoob_ymSkoob_ym Teacher
    uncouth: Rude, crude, uncivilized, undignified, semi-barbaric and socially unacceptable.
  • Skoob_ymSkoob_ym Teacher
    Skoob_ym said:
    Pesky rabbits.

  • Just KevinJust Kevin Lulu Genius

    uncouth: Rude, crude, uncivilized, undignified, semi-barbaric and socially unacceptable.

    And why would you apply that to all Black Comedy?

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