What do you think?

I have an idea for a book, and I wrote a little bit for it. Just wondering if it sounds interesting:

 

     The System is our lifeline.

     It connects all of us together.

    Without it, we would revert to the dark times where blood was shed without a second thought. The System beats like a living thing, and in the center of it all is the Heart. The System is everything to us, but there are some that let their minds wonder.

     What if the System didn’t exist?

    Would we really go back to how it was?

    What would happen if we unplugged the Heart?

    These opened minds tested their theory. They unplugged the Heart of the System and the world went dark.

    Our world fell into chaos as our lifeline was shut down. Terrified, we shivered in the darkness and begged for the light of our Heart.

    When the lights came back on, the minds that tested their theory had disappeared and a new Heart was beating healthier and brighter than before.

    This marked the New Age.

    The New Age conditioned minds to rely on the Heart, to love the light we have been granted through it. Without these rules, we would lose our very selves.

    However, there are still young minds that can be molded. Minds that wonder if the Heart is truly helping us. Minds that need just the tiniest push to set things into motion.

    And this push started with one voice.

Comments

  • But what is the System? It sounds a little like the Matrix (which was based on an Asian story.)

  • The outline you propose would make for a really good world to set story in, but for the actual story, I would try to find a personal story to help bring the reader into the world. Something vast and encompassing can be too much and overwhelm the reader with world building, to the neglect of the relateable character elements.

  •  I would try to find a personal story to help bring the reader into the world. Something vast and encompassing can be too much and overwhelm the reader with world building, to the neglect of the relateable character elements.

     

    That's true. Most stories are built around one person or a group of people, often many many pages (and a lot of film) is used to introduce them, for you to get to know them, possibly like them even, often to later kill them off!

  • Kevinlomas,

    It would be kind of like a generator that's keeping the world going. I wouldn't really think of it as the Matrix, which I am a fan of. It doesn't suck people into a diferent world, it is the world. It connects everyone together. Kind of like a social network.

  • Paul_LuluT,

    hanks for your opinion! It is definitely still just a thought, so I know I need to improve it. This little snippet wasn't exactly a prologue, but more of an idea I jotted down to try to build my world and characters around. Thank you though! I will try to see what kind of story I can write for my main character.

  • Kevinlomas,
    Thank you! Yes, I understand this little snippet is kind of foggy in terms of idea. That is, of course, what this is. Just an idea and in no way shape or form an actual completed storyline. I will try harder with the world building and figuring out how I want my characters to relate with this world.
  • It would be kind of like a generator that's keeping the world going. I wouldn't really think of it as the Matrix, which I am a fan of. It doesn't suck people into a diferent world, it is the world.

     

    Neither does the Matrix. Humans in that are plugged in to a mainframe that creates a virtual world that is the world as far as they are concerned. But some would say we are in one now because you cannot always believe that what you see is real and that not everyone sees the same things. I started a short story once like that, where 'reality' started to break down. The floor vanishing from under the main charector's feet, tree-shaped blank spaces, parts of the horizon eventually stopping a few miles away, then a few feet, nothing beyond it, but glimpses of some creatures trying to repair it, stuff like that.

     

     It connects everyone together. Kind of like a social network.

     

    Like the internet then?

  • Thank you! Yes, I understand this little snippet is kind of foggy in terms of idea. That is, of course, what this is. Just an idea and in no way shape or form an actual completed storyline. I will try harder with the world building and figuring out how I want my characters to relate with this world.

     

    Good luck, it's an arduous task that should not be rushed. Creating such stories is very complex.

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